If I could choose to live in a single moment, I would be holding the tiny body of a child in my arms forever.
I was roused from bed this morning by the sound of my little girl crying. Groggily, I crept into the room shared by my two girls and saw Violet standing in her crib reaching out for me in the pale morning light.
I lifted her from her bed. She wrapped her arms and legs around me, nestled her face into the nape of my neck, and was still and calm. Her body melted into mine as I stroked her hair and hummed a lullaby.
I’m going to miss this.
Parenting puts your mind in a strange tug-of-war. Part of you wants to selfishly keep them small forever, while the other part longs for the next milestone and anticipates the future.
Over the last two years, I have simultaneously wanted everything to stay exactly the same and everything to change immediately. When they were newborns, I could sit quietly in their room, holding all three peacefully on my lap as I watched them sleep. There are very few visions in the world as tranquil as a sleeping newborn.
At the same time, I was so exhausted from feeding three children every 3 hours around the clock, that I would daydream about what life would be like when we could skip a 2 a.m. feeding or give them bottles at 4 hour increments instead. These were my fantasies.
Now that they are two-years-old we are well beyond bottles and midnight feeding sessions. But I can no longer hold all three at the same time. They rarely hold still long enough for me to hold any of them for very long.
For now, I will savor the opportunities to hold them when I can. I will not resent the nights that they wake up and call for me. I will treasure them. This is the time of my life. These are the moments I will miss as they grow.
One of these times, I will be holding them for the last time. Soon enough, they will look me in the eye. And from time to time, I will fondly remember what it felt like to have them pressed against my skin in the wee hours of the morning.
If you enjoyed this post, you might like these as well:
A Letter to My Littles: A thank you letter to my children for helping me overcome perfectionism.
Parenting Makes You Vulnerable: The emotions surrounding contacting Early Intervention to help my children.
Stop and Look Up: Remembering to pray and show gratitude.
Hello there! I’m Krysta. If you’re new to The Thoughtful Mom, welcome! And thank you for stopping by.
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